In Flesh We Build

PLAN OF ACTION!!!!

2011-09-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

Step 1: Decide what I actually need and find a place for it. If it doesn't have a place or immediate purpose then GET RID OF IT
Step 2: Separate out what can be sold and put in categories: garage sale, vintage clothing store, book shop, Ebay, and Etsy.
Step 3: Create a weekly goal/project in calendar format. Follow through.
Step 4: Make it public- accountability
Step 5: Make a record- writing, photos and goal checklist
Step 6: Set rewards system for self. What will you do with the money? Create a chart and a drop box. Use all money made towards these rewards.
Step 7: Form a support group. Get friends involved with the process.
Step 8: Celebrate success. Go out of sushi, invite a friend out for drinks, or make a special dinner.
Step 9: Give away gifts to friends and strangers from the stash.
Step 10: Make new things from the old. Have a workshop approach and share these ideas through a zine or online.

On Stuff: What's so hard about letting go?

2011-09-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

These are the thoughts I'm working against

1. I see what my belongings are worth. Some are antiques. Some are vintage. I'm a collector and once made a living at it.
2. Sentimental attachments- gifts, family heirlooms, memories
3. What if I can't afford it again?
4. What if I regret getting rid of it?
5. What if I want it later?
6. Getting rid of things is change and that's scary
7. I can't do it alone
8. Its impossible, I have too much.
9. I want to recycle not just toss it all away
10. I could make something out of it

On Stuff: Reasons for Letting Go

2011-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

1. I don't use most of it.
2. It takes up space THAT I PAY FOR- $165 per month over the past 3 years.
3. When I get home for working all day I feel depressed rather than creative
4. It inhibits my personal freedom for travel
5. It owns me rather than the other way around
6. Doesn't allow for growth
7. Affects my free time
8. Stifles relationships- in the past it's affected living with my boyfriend, roommates and having people over.
9. Adds to negative consumption patterns. Rather than using what I already have I go out and buy a new thus ending up with three wine openers.
10. All aspects of my life lack organization as a result
11. No room for things I actually need.
12. Most importantly- inhibits my creativity

Problem: TOO MUCH STUFF

2011-09-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

I can't put enough emphasis on how the things I own (and NEVER use) have had a stronghold on both my personal freedom and sanity. I have zero room to create new work or develop ideas because my life is so full of clutter. I have an art studio, 2 storage spaces, and three closets full of things I don't need. Come on, do I really need THREE sleeping bags or a basket of holey dresses I've been meaning to mend for four years now?

Every year I take a month away from my life to explore what's truly important to me. This year I came home to the realization that what I need most is the freedom to be creative, inspired, try new things and let go of all the baggage. In this case- years of accumulated treasures.

For the next three months, a duration of about 12 weeks I will be working towards the goal of cutting what I own by two thirds. In the process I'll be experimenting with possibilities for material goods that doesn't involve landfills, making new clothing from old garments, hosting workshops and investigating the role of material wealth in our lives. I'm not only going to purge what I own, I plan to make money while doing it and get a little closer to living the sustainable and focused life I want.

In an effort to stay committed to the process and connected to friends I'll be documenting the process here.

Embracing My 30s

2011-01-21T19:33:00.001-08:00

The beginning of years is always an important time for me in regards to reflection and grounding for what's to come. I've never felt this strong and for once am not afraid of struggling to maintain it. All my gratitude to you my friends, family, the universe and everything that has aligned to help me through the continual process of grieving what's past.

As I look around my room at all the relics of heartfelt connections and interactions I've had I no longer see the past, I feel the present. This is who I am. All of the people I've loved, the things I've made, circumstances, memories, gifts, dreams, tears, all of it has built the future and informs the present.

This morning when I looked in the mirror- I saw reflected to me the person I've always felt I was in my heart but was not reflected by my age. Today I no longer see a young woman's reflection. I see the maturing woman I'm growing into. l see all of the gifts she's given the world in her youth, the sacrifices she's made to see them through and the empathy she carries. Because of this I love her and embrace this new decade. I am beautiful exactly as I am.

Okra Papermaking

2010-10-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you who might not be aware, the stem of the Okra plant makes gorgeous paper. Recently I led a papermaking workshop at Earthdance Farms in Ferguson Mo for farm apprentices using okra they'd grown. Here's instructions for making your own.

OKRA PAPERMAKING

Materials:
Garden Clippers, Garden Gloves, Long Sleeve Shirt, Plastic Bucket, Large Metal Pot, Soda Ash (Washing Soda), recycled office paper or methoceluose (Sizing), Blender, Plastic Tub, Sponges, Old Sheets or Cloth, Old Window Screen, Duct Tape, Access to Stove and Water.

Step 1: Harvest Stems. Clip off the stems of harvested fruit. This will not kill the plant. Avoid stalks. They are generally too woody and won't make good paper. Make sure you wear long sleeves and gloves as okra plants can irritate the skin. You'll need a good size bucket to make a bucket of pulp.

Step 2: Process the Plant. You'll want to cut your Okra into quarter-inch pieces. Put them inside of a large metal pot. Fill 3/4 full. Note- some papermakers peal the bark and let fibers sit for several weeks before Step

Step 3: Add Soda Ash and Water. Amount depends on yield of fibers. Ratio is 1 Tbs per Quart of water. Boil from 4-6 hours to break down fibers for blender processing. Should be a sludgy constancy.

Step 4: Make Pulp. You'll want to fill blender 1/4 full with pulp. Add 1/4 water and 2-3 sheets of recycled paper for sizing. White office paper works best. Remember to give your blender a break occasionally or the motor will burnout. Repeat until all fibers are blended. Store in bucket with lid. Pulp will keep 2-3 weeks w/out refrigeration and is usable at any stage but will start to decompose gradually. Add bleach to counter.

Step 5: Make a Simple Mold. Cut the window screen to 5 x7 size. Cover edges with duct tape. For larger molds you can use a wooden frame. Simple fold over the edges and secure with a staple gun. Rotate edges to insure snugness.

Step 6: Pulling Prep Fill plastic bin 3/4 full with water. Add a 4-5 hearty cups of pulp to start. You can always add more. Before each "pull" stir the bottom of the mixture with your hand.

Step 7: Pull Paper. Hold the frame vertically and lower it into the water. Once it is below the water line, slowly tilt it horizontally toward you and begin to lift it toward the surface of the water. Slowly lift the frame out of the water picking up pulp. Let the frame drain over the bin for 15 to 20 seconds, then set aside.

Step 8: Remove the Paper from Mold. Lay a piece fabric (slightly larger than the mold) on a flat surface and place one edge of your frame mold on the side of the fabric. Gently ease the mold down, making sure the paper is in direct contact with the fabric. Sponge out excess water, wringing it out into the plastic bin between pressings. Once most of the water is removed, hold down one corner of the fabric and slowly peel off the mold. The paper should remain on the fabric. If it sticks to the mold, you have either pulled too fast or didn't remove enough water. Simply place the mold back down and repeat the process with the sponge to remove more water. Repeat the process.

Step 9: Pressing Paper. You can stack pulled paper that's still on fabric. If there is a flower or paper press available that will be your next step. Do note that the water will warp most printing presses. Be careful what you use. If you don't have a press move onto step 10

Step 10: Drying Paper. There are many ways to dry paper. To keep it flat transfer paper to plexi glass or a window while it's wet. You'll do this By taking the paper coated fabric and placing on window. Sponge out excess water and peal fabric away. Be careful and do this process slowly. Your other option is to let the paper dry on the fabric. Have fun.

Canning Basics

2010-10-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

A life-long canner my mother, Peggy Hemeyer, ventured off our family farm in Frankfort MO to lead a canning crash course out of my apartment in St Louis a few weeks back. Mom towed her favorite canning ware and I invited friends. We made peach preserves, hot pepper jelly, Italian peppers and sweet pickled peppers. Not a single person walked away without a jar of something delicious.

Canning is a surprisingly simple process and so much more fun with friends. There just so happens to be a plethora of fantastic recipes online. This is one of my favorites.

HOT PEPPER JELLY

4 large green bell peppers
1/2 cup fresh hot red peppers, about 12, OR 4 tablespoons crushed dried red pepper
6 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups white vinegar
2 bottles liquid pectin, (6 oz each)

Preparation:

In a large pot, place peppers that have been ground fine, (use juice and pulp), sugar and vinegar. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to low and simmer 10 minutes. Add pectin. Stir well. Bring mixture to a boil over high heat; reduce heat and boil 1 minute. Remove from heat and pour mixture into hot dry, sterilized half-pint jars, leaving a scant 1/4-inch head space. Seal immediately. Process in a hot water bath for 15 minutes; remove jars and let cool upright.

Makes 8 pints.

PEGGY'S TIPS:
1. For best results preheat glass canning jars in microwave. For non-breakage insurance, place them on a damp cloth.

2.Always check your lids when you're finished making sure they're sealed. Simply press on the lid. It will pop if they're not sealed.

Guerrilla Girls speak at 2010 SAIC commencement

2010-05-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

Annie and I crashed the 2010 SAIC commencement this past weekend. Here's a notebook scratched synopsis of gorilla masked “Kathe Kollwitz’s” advice to recent art institute graduates.

1. Be A Loser- You don’t have to be a director in the world of collaboration. Its not about egos.
2. Be Impatient- Put on your own shows and projects
3. Be the Change- Create what you want to see
4. Be Crazy:- Change minds in an outrageous way. If you can get someone who disagrees with you to laugh you have the agency to encourage thought.
5. Be Anonymous- Can’t believe what comes out of your mouth when you’re masked.
6. Be An Outsider- Look for back stories and hidden messages and then expose it.
7. Lead A Double Life- Be 4 or 5 in one body. Be a hybrid of an artist not a specialist
8. Just Do One Thing- If it works do another and another. Don’t be paralyzed keep chipping away.
9. Don’t Only Make Fine Art- Make cheep art that can be shared by everyone.
10. Sell Out- Don’t wonder if you lost your edge. Take your crit to a larger audience
11. Give Collectors & Institutions Tough Love- it’s a pity that museums depend on investors. If things keep going they way they are only white men’s work will be collected. Demand ethical standards. No more cookie cutter collections.
12. Don’t Be Corrupted by History- Write your own.
13. Complain- And be creative about it
14. Be Active- example: hang your own tags in fashion articles, post crits of museum directors, leave notes in books for readers, make anti-industry film fliers.
15. Use the “F” word
16. Be A Feminist- For decades the majority of art institute graduates have been women but too few are at the top. Speak up for minorities regardless of who you .
17. Be A Great Ape- And don’t be tamed. Where do “you” want to go?
18. Have Fun.

Chautauqua Art Lab 2010

2010-04-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

Chautauqua Art Lab (CQAL) 2010
Learn, Include, Collaborate, Constillate.

In its second year, the Chautauqua Art Lab is an annual week long
grassroots city-wide arts festival, free university and artist parade. Connecting 30+ innovative makers, thinkers and doers from throughout St Louis and the US.

Calender of FREE Events:

Saturday May 1st
People's Joy Parade Make Day
Location: CAMP aka Community Arts & Movement Project
Address: 3022A Cherokee Street
Time: 12-4pm
People's Joy Parade Prep at the Finder's Hive. Tweak your get-up or make a funny hat or mask with help from some great local artists! Fun and free for all ages.

Sunday May 2nd
A. Cherokee Street Walkabout
Location: Leaving from the Mud House
Address: 2101 Cherokee Street
Time: 3-5pm
On this historic tour we'll explore Cherokee's artist-run spaces, quirky shops, community programs while greeting a menagerie of characters throughout our journey.

B.Celia's Footbeat Choir Rehearsal
Location: CAMP
Address: 3022A Cherokee Street
Time: 5-6pm

Join up with the most rockin choir in St Louis. All ages welcome to sing and dance with Celia in the upcoming People's Joy Parade.

Monday May 3rd
Electromechanical Bliss Sideshow
Location: Floating Laboratories & Arcadia Studios
Address: 4528 Ohio, Studio R
Time: 7- 11pm
Evening of visual, audio and guttural performances and installation. Sideshow goers are invited to explore and interact with constructed environments throughout.

A. St Louis based artists: Larva, Mike Stasny(performance), Kevin Harris (video installation), Ghosts I Have Been (sound), Cindy Tower (visual installation), Robert Long (sculpture), Keith Buckholz (Fluxus performance, Mike Pagano (installation), SPORE Projects & More.

B. Fluxus Legends: Crank Sturgeon & Matt Taggart

C. Of Chicago: Tiger Hatchery & Lechuguillas

*suggested $5-10 donation for touring artists

Tuesday May 4th
Community Arts Panel & Open Laptop
Location: Urban Studios
Address: 2815 North 14th Street
Time: 6-10pm
Imaginative community projects and programs presented by the folks who make them happen. Additional projects welcome. Just bring what you got to the Open Laptop.

Facilitated by Emily Hemeyer (SPORE)

Guests: Ann Huebrich (CAT program), Emily Task (Brown School of Social Work), Stan Chisholm (Money Bags Project), Claire Wollf (Urban Studios), Nita Turnage (Artica), Irene Compedre (CAMP & Cherokee REaLGarden),Dail Chambers (Yeyo Arts), Kara Clark Holland (Public Spaces Picnic Project) & Brea McAnally (Moss Painting Project & Luminary Center)

Wednesday May 5th
Media, Urbanism & the Built Environment
Location: Open Lot
Address: 1310 S 18th Street (Lafayette Sq)
Time: 7-10pm
A roundtable conversation about the opportunities and complexities of online media pertaining to urbanism, architecture, preservation and politics in St. Louis

Facilitated by Jordan Hicks

Guests: Michael Allen (Ecology of Absence), Antonio French (Pub Def), Toby Weiss (BELT), Alex Ihnen (Urban STL) & Rick Bonasch (STL Rising)

Thursday May 6th
{{Programing Break}}
Pecha Kucha Night!!!}}
Location: Mad Art Gallery
Address: 2727 S. 12th Street
Time: 7-10pm

Held internationally Pecha Kucha night is a monthly program featuring locatl artists, entrepreneurs, designers and other people with bold or crazy ideas will show them off on 20 slides each.

Friday May 7th
Old Tyme Hoedown, Revival & Picnic
Location: Mrs MacCormicks Yard
Address: 2917 Texas (Benton Park)
Time: 7-12pm
A community picnic with eclectic performances, auspicious installations & all-around revelry.

Hosted by Charles & Charlot Douglas-Book

Event will be photographed for local artist Kara Clark Holland's Picnic Project.

A. Local performers: Bangggerang (new skool jamboree), Kungfu Chicken (noise soul), Audry Simes (improv movement), Firedog (love-o-rama) & more TBA

B. Hearding Cats Collective founders: Rich O Donnell, Anna Lum, Ryan Harris create rick instrumental expression and haunting soundscapes.

C. Mikal Shapiro, spirited singer/songwriter from KC

D. Chris Marshall, Chicago based fiddler/violinist and great-grandson of original Chautauqua magician Al Baker.

*Feel free to bring yummy edibles, delicious drinks, fantastical costumes, & instruments for merry making

Saturday May 8th
A. Cherokee Street People’s Joy Parade!!!
Location:Cinco de Mayo)on Cherokee Street
Address: Black Forest Parkinglot
Time: Meet at noon. Parade starts at 1:11pm

The People’s Joy Parade is a grassroots menagerie of crepe paper float makers, home made costume fashionistas, b-boys/girls, midnight minstrels, Gigante puppeteers, art cars, bike brigades, moving installation artists, Elvis impersonators, cardboard bricoleurs, rainbow dancers, knights of St. Louis, drag queens, beat making marching bands, Mexican wrestlers, robot makers, Virgin of Guadalupe’s, and any lost members of the Missouri tribe. Because… parades recognize the importance of the people who make up a community.

All are welcome to participate!
Parade Contact: Sarah Paulsen- pintorasp@hotmail.com or Lyndsey Scott- nevertidy@gmail.com

2. Cinco de Mayo Celebration
Location: Cherokee Street
Address: between Nebraska & Iowa
Time: 11am - 9:30pm

A lively neighborhood celebration and
street festival featuring diverse live musical
performances, dedicated artists, delicious authentic
food and drinks, a multitude of exhibitors, St Louis’s
only artist parade & otherworldly street entertainers.

3. The Party After the Party
Location: AVD+EVAD Art & Design
Address: 2834 Cherokee
Time: 8pm - ?

Hosted by Amy VanDonsel & David Burnett

Featuring: DJs Thomas Crone, Grace Woodard,
Mark Siebels, Jamie Toon, Shawn Gaston, & Daniel Shown

March 2010

2010-03-29T10:38:00.001-07:00

Community Arts Convening: At the Crossroads, Keith Buckholz, Robert Longyear, Theater Gates, Regional Arts Commission (RAC), Mud House, Angelo, Carrie Gillen, Facebook, Carnival Supply, Bricaleuring, Casey Miller, Arlene Goldbard

Chicago, Fill in the Blank Gallery, Natalie Akins, Joanna Lynn Schuman, Bill Tucker and Friends, Davey J Sparrow, Ian Fullerton, Bill Tucker Chris Marshall, Tulip, Kelly Tucker, Relax Bar and Grill, Magic Inc, Camp Woodshed, Kristen Altoff, Equinox Fire, Bi-Monthly Folk Jam Session

Hannah O'Brien, SCOSAG Spring Break Camp, Sound Portal, Cameron Fuller, Sarah Paulsen, Anna Bangggerang, Larva, Syna So Pro, Robert Long, Sam & moss, Steven Hoffman, Bricaleuring, Lyndsay Scott, Emily Hemeyer, Fort Gondo, Cherokee Street, St Cecelia's Fish Fry, Kara Clark Holland, Steven Holland

Sabrina Braden, Skif Nina, Cameron Fuller, Arcadia Studios, West Bank Auto, Cherokee Street, Shenendoah, Scott Olsen, Drew Droege, The Cave, and Shakespeares Pizza

fall 2009

2010-03-29T10:37:00.001-07:00

October marks a dark month for me. In many ways I've felt set back by what occurred. My blogs, projects, and work have undoubtedly taken a toll. But as the Spring rolls in I'm realizing that I'm in transition into what may be one of the most substantial growths of my life thus far.

This is dedicated to a close friend: Travis Tankersly. Though few people will understand the extent of our connection nothing can replace those 10 years. I'm truly grateful for the time we had.

This month my heart froze as the other, the one who felt its beats took his life in smoke filled force. Boom. Feeling my bones then and now. I loved him as I’ve loved all my friends. The real friends. The ones who know exactly how to make you smile and offer protection, council, safety in space. “Its all gonna be ok good buddy.” I hear him in my mind. Often. His calm grounded spirit speaks to me in moments of silence. When I’m not sure what to do or how to feel. I feel his love. Still. Like a blanket.

We shared many nights in arms embracing. Friends not lovers. I know his body, his smell, his breaths. His thoughts and concerns in a way that I’ve had with no other. He was my protector and I was his. Where as we lived in different worlds we connected in words and spirit. The memories are many and I only wish he’d shared his nature with more. Never unkind, always witty. Loved by many. He was an artist, a musician and philosopher.

In my pain I've not been present. There is a hardening wall blocking love and viscous tongue replacing openness. Its been a struggle to connect. But I know its fleeting. Obstacles birth strength. I will overcome this not only for myself but for everything and everyone I love.

All those years of telling people: 1-Life is what you make it. 2-Your perception is your own reality. 3- Love yourself. Has been very hard to hear in this moment. They seem like lofty ideas created by bright-eyed optimists who’ve never had to experience any real pain or horror. These people, once my people. I have avoided in my sorrow.

But there is something about each of those phrases that wouldn’t let me release them as fallacies. The persistence of these words reminds me that I’m moving into a new space. A place of conviction in my belief: You alone are responsible for your life, body and mind. Treat each day as its your first.

All we have is the present moment and the past that guides us there.

Kitty art party and cat circus at Cranky Yellow

2009-05-04T08:16:00.000-07:00

Version Fest- Chicago

2009-04-28T14:04:00.001-07:00

laumier sculpture park favorites

2009-04-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

down the street, replaced with gardens I hope.

2009-03-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

The Map Room in Benton Park

2009-03-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

Discovering St Louis sculpture few will see with Cindy in North City.

2009-03-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

True/False Film Festival in Columbia

2009-03-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

I, Norton with Gino Robaird

2009-03-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

My Community Artist Training (CAT) team through the Regional Arts Commission

2009-03-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

Visiting Jeremy's farm in Callaway County

2009-03-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

This is what St Louis is all about..

2009-02-23T10:00:00.001-08:00

Digging for I, Norton costumes at the Opera Theater Warehouse in STL

2009-02-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

Carolyn + Emily + Pop-eye

2009-02-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

making dreams happen

2009-02-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

a week of inspiration

2009-02-09T21:15:00.000-08:00

heart-attack with Lyndsay

2009-02-09T21:07:00.001-08:00

Ben West (roommate) appreciation day, followed by a leaky ceiling

2009-02-09T20:56:00.001-08:00

happy notes made by kindergarten- Including stigmata god and multi-headed monster guy

2009-02-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

no budget sledding

2009-01-28T21:01:00.000-08:00

It snowed a bunch so my studio mate Robert and I crafted a brilliantly constructed sled out of cardboard, tape, cord and plastic. As you might imagine, it didn't work though it was very pretty. So tonight I went sledding down Art Hill with my friend John. Naturally I wore my $4 Portland thrift store snowsuit,a found hat and a lovely $1 scarf. We watched clever folks sledding on leftover campaign signs and of course, the ever popular cardboard box. After a few rounds down the slope we managed to slip away with two dysfunctional sleds of our own that were destined for the trash. No more cardboard or plastic lids for this girl. I now own a beautiful blue plastic sled with a broken handle!

Post-Dispatch Article

2009-01-28T20:46:00.000-08:00

A link for an article about me written in December for the Post- Dispatc h .

Sunday. Sunday.

2009-01-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

My new friend & neighbor Grace, who grew up in my hometown, came over for breakfast. We made sweet potatoes, ate farm eggs and leftover cupcakes. Went to a meeting and a rehersal for Waziriside. Spent some time in Arcadia building a set for a photograph that involves transforming Simiya into a dead rat. Thinking too much about scaly rat tails & not enough on doing dishes.

birthday

2009-01-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

bright blocks and the trojan horse.

2009-01-16T10:43:00.000-08:00

the morning I grew to love my belly was a morning I made my bed

2009-01-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

An Invitation

2009-01-06T18:33:00.000-08:00

Its my 28th birthday!

Join me on Thursday January 15th 2009
8pm at my house in St Louis
Bring no expectations & a wrapped $1 gift (not for me)
wear warm, practical clothes and bring a bike if you have one.

Friends are welcome. Please be close to time.
contact me if you need directions

-E

waking up. the reasons

2009-01-06T16:05:00.001-08:00

In this moment, I'm feeling inspired and excited. I've been incredibly introspective for a while now. Most of you who've known me recently would not have recognized the person I used to be and vice versa. It's called- change, life, and pain but its the same for all us in some way. Our bodies and minds are temples of experience. Today I taught classes to the youngest kids in our school. It was full of hugs and smiles from fresh eyes and open hearts. And of course, always some tears. Most of the kids live in my neighborhood, I see them at the store and on the street. My students come from diverse backgrounds and cultures. Many of them are immigrants, some from split families; many are on scholarships. School is a safe place but I can only assume they experience the same sadnesses I do when I look at my community. Its not a matter of poverty but the hopelessness and lack of human compassion that disturbs me.

I've been to places that I was told I should never go as an American. I was told about the crime, muggings, poverty, and lack of humanity. But what I saw in Athens and Mexico (I only wish my experiences were broader) were communities full of life and love. People who helped each other and overcame whatever differences they had. Mothers leave their babies in strollers on the street as they go into the shops nearby, knowing that the old man sitting on an old wooden rocking chair near the Butchershop door will be watching. I've seen street festivals where drunkenness isn't a bitter escape but a celebration of life. I've left my bags unguarded and unlocked on the bottom of a ferry with a pile of hundreds knowing they would be safe. I pitied the other foreigner I saw, the only person on the entire ferry with a backpack on. He was me, three months earlier. I hear similar stories from friends who did peace corpus and a friend who spent a year traveling throughout India working in orphanages.

When someone blames this city's issues on poverty or race, I get angry. Fear and disconnection is the reason that more than half the city's population lives in suburban sprawl and shops at strip malls. Sadly what I see this city lacking is culture. Not culture based on making money or feeding egos or sustaining some silly scene, but culture that enriches life. People who smile and hug each other, people who acknowledge that they are neighbors. Shared resources, shared food, dancing, loving, bikes, acts of kindness.

Sure it's easy to say, well if you don't like it leave. That's what people have been doing for the last 40 years. The first time St Louis had population growth was 2007. I think I was in that 2%. This month 8 people I know who have contributed in some way to the community left town. I can't blame them. I may be be in that group sooner than I think. Perhaps it is a sinking ship but if that's true then so is the whole country. St Louis is a microcosm of everywhere else.

So what are the options then?

I've spent the past few years, experimenting with different ideas and roles. Figuring out exactly how I wanted to contribute to society and this city. Teaching has taught me a lot as has my involvement with various community organizations. Friends and my creative work has been helpful guide as I've worked through depression and pain after a loss of a close friend to suicide. I was also mugged in this city and was an eyewitness to several horrific events. But I'm not ready to give up and I hope there are a few others out there who are in the same place as me. If not, I'm tired of waiting around. While yes, momentum does die eventually. Fighters regain their strength and step up but none of us are superhuman. For real change to happen we have to be open with each other and ourselves.

Something to try-

Every so often I like to think about breathing and what it means. I invite you to stop for a moment and take a breath. Think about it. The action of breathing. How does it feel? Is your nose cold like mine as you feel the air pass through your nostrils? Put your hand on your belly. Take another breath. Does is go in or out as you breath? Do you notice your heart beating? I notice mine. It feels good to remember that I breath and my heart beats. I hope it feels good to you too.

Reading Art and Upheaval by Bill Cleveland.
He's giving a talk at Left Bank Books this Friday, 7:30pm in St Louis.

Also reading Realizing the Impossible: Art Against Authority by Macphee Reuland (AK press)

Inspiration

2009-01-04T23:13:00.000-08:00

Pure happiness = Learning To Love You More. A website and project everyone should see. Thanks Harrell Fletcher and Miranda July.

assignment # 70- saying goodbye....

goodbye old socks, you're going in the trash not recycling
goodbye messy bed. I am making you.
goodbye grey skies
goodbye teary heartbroken eyes. We will see each other soon enough.
goodbye Sunday night, it's Monday morning!
goodbye moldy tomatoes & wilting lettuce
goodbye Wally, Grandma & Grandpa Thoenen, Grandpa Hemeyer, Aunt Paulen, Hannah Dog, Nelson & Marvin.
goodbye visiting friends
goodbye Columbia.
goodbye fear of bikes & centipedes
goodbye paycheck, my landlords thank you.
goodbye warm days and please come back soon.
goodbye holiday free time
goodbye sweet Peter. Thank you.
goodbye dirty bathroom.
goodbye old Cranky Yellow
goodbye procrastination.
goodbye hating on things I really love
goodbye to the fishes that passed through my belly this week
goodbye self-loathing
goodbye Alyssa, Fin, Konstantin, Raulf, Monica, Billy, Dan & Trish.
goodbye winter, yeah right.
goodbye Royce, you were the best roommate I never had.
goodbye stability. I need a jolt soon.
goodbye over-analyzing mind.
goodbye piles of papers
goodbye saying goodbye.

This feels really good!!!

Pruitt Igoe

2008-12-23T21:32:00.000-08:00

Many of us seem to be fascinated by and even cynical regarding faulty utopic dreams, failed projects, & decrepit buildings. One of the things that drew me to St Louis initially was the abandoned buildings. I have been photographing ruins for years. But after learning more about the city, the fallen buildings I once romanticized have more of a sinister presence in my mind.

I first learned about Pruitt-Igoe (a former utopic St Louis housing project) in an art history class in college. Its history fascinated me. I used as the subject of an essay I wrote about the failures of modernist architecture in regards to humanism in urban development. If that subject interests you I suggest looking up more, there are quite a few fascinating essays that were much more coherent than mine.

Since it's demolition in the 1970s, Pruitt-Igoe is now a large empty plot that resembles a wildlife refuge in the heart of North St Louis. Here's a clip form Koyaanisqatsi, a documentary and a fun Le Courbusier video.

For delightment play all 3 simultaneously.

If you have even a vague interest in historic & abandoned buildings, I suggest checking out the Ecology of Absence website. The site examines the fate of historical buildings throughout St Louis and includes some information on Pruitt Igoe.

photos from this past weekend...

2008-12-22T13:38:00.000-08:00

the family farm

2008-12-22T10:42:00.000-08:00

Atnas video

2008-12-20T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm sleepy. Really sleepy. Just did the final performance of "May These Changes Make Us Light". Still wearing my furry dress that I spent most of yesterday constructing. It turned out to be a really beautiful show. Here's a clip for those of you who couldn't make it. It's from Lyndsey's piece in the performance. I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!!

Holiday Fantasticness

2008-12-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS...

Recorded a holiday single in Alton (photos from the trip) with some friends and am in a performance this weekend "May These Changes Make Us Light" with several St Louis friends and performers. I'm also doing my favorite holiday activity, singing again in Celia's Yuletide Express.

hilariousness...

2008-12-17T09:55:00.000-08:00

missing stan

2008-12-17T08:29:00.000-08:00

Here's a fun photo from Stan Chisholm's Cranky Yellow show featuring myself, Carolyn, Jaxon and Zack. Stan one of the nicest guys I know. He was our intern at SCOSAG camp last summer and rented a spot at Arcadia. He's in his last year at the Chicago Art Institute.

past clothing projects

2008-12-17T01:56:00.000-08:00

Posting these to remember. I made these dresses back in 2004 and actually hand-dyed the fabric, silk-screened and felted. Was fortunate to have friends who didn't mind modeling. Also including photos from some of my other projects. I made T shirts for the Free Form Film Festival and started my own line of reconstructed garments, Ragamuffin in 2002. One of the projects I'm most proud of during this time was Pro-choice/Pro-fashion show. We were able to raise enough money to send 200 people to the March for Women's Lives in Washington DC.

photos from a roadtrip with Sandra

2008-12-17T00:37:00.001-08:00

I recently got to spend time with my old friend Sandra and former cat Cleo in Portland. Found these photos from a roadtrip she and I took a few years back. Sandra and I ended up in New Harmony Indiana by "accidentally" following a 69 exit sign. Ironically New Harmony was the 19th century home of utopian religious cult, as my dad calls them, the Harmonists. Most fascinating to me, the group built labyrinths and dug wells based solely on tree formations.

The town also has an installation by Patric Dougherty ,A Carolinian who harvests vines from his property and makes large scale dwelling-like installations. As you might imagine, we had fun climbing them.

East St Louis with Cindy

2008-12-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

A few months back I was in an instructional film Sarah made for our friend Cindy Tower's painting class at Wash U. Here's some photos of the factory. I haven't seen a building quiet like this one. Its surprising that so much of the piping and cogs are still intact.

beautiful moments of being awake

2008-12-15T00:17:00.000-08:00

Throughout my life there have been times where I felt inspired by and connected to organic process and lifeforms. To get this connection I sometimes have to separate myself from friends, family, local culture, and sometimes civilization. I've checked out for as long as months or as short as an hour. Often when I've been on these expeditions I have wanted to share what I saw, learned and thought but probably wouldn't have had the experience if I had companionship. These are a few photographs from some of my trips over the past few years and a couple of friends who inspire me.

.

pretending to be feline

2008-12-14T23:22:00.000-08:00

Makeup for the Changes show inspired by cat extraordinair Rashbah. Followed by post-show ridiculousnesses with two former roomies Sarah and Natalie. Not really sure what is compelling me to post these, except that it was a really fun night. I love both of them immensely and I think BBC is my new favorite eatery.

may these changes make us light 07

2008-12-14T22:11:00.000-08:00

Photos from last year's May These Changes Make Us Light show at the Contemporary. I dressed some friends "models" in duct tape and my roommate Ben lost some of his chest hair. Maya Lyn had the main exhibition space and I don't think my work will ever have a better backdrop. I also did a vocal performance (without the dulcimer, its better with it) wearing this incredible green skirt made by Holly Reene and a handmade paper bodice I made some years back. I think the best part of the whole experience was working creatively with so many close friends.

decadent walls

2008-12-14T21:42:00.000-08:00

my weee little art collection by some folks I like a lot....Wolfman mask by Cameron Fuller. Brandon Tischer's selfportrait. Panting by my housemate Emily Hagan. Zombie Twain by some Rockaway Armada kid. Bow and Arrow Girl Butt by Fran Lakatos. Velvet Elvis painting that I like to think was widely reproduced. Happy God by someone in Rockaway. Nude painting by Konstantine. Elephant Print. Collaboration by me, Lyndsey and Leslie. It's called the trilogy aka two men and a baby.

Ghost tour

2008-12-12T12:09:00.000-08:00

In September I went on my first tour as Ghosts I Have Been, performing in Missouri, Kansas, Oregon, Washington, and California. A recording of the performance at Rererato TV in Portland should be posted soon.

Started off the tour playing at set at my friend Sabrina's shop Maude Vintage in Columbia, where some of the guys from Peace by Punching did a rad acoustic set along with Sabrina's partner Max. Was on the megabus the next day then played a set at Solidarity in Lawrence KS and had a drink with another old friend Phil, owner of Wild Man Vintage. Amanda Rehagen another old friend who is now an incredible illustrator/printmaker in KC; toted me around from trains to buses, airports to cars. THANK YOU AMANDA!

Took the plane to Portland and spent several days riding bikes around with my transplant Columbia friends Drew, Sandra, Issac, Ian, and Ben (see photos). Went to Voodoo doughnuts, a bunch of anarchist info shops, a heap of breweries, and the Columbia River Gorge. Saw former Columbia band play, Megazilla, now of Austin one evening. Also spent an afternoon at the Portland Zine Symposium and in true rock star form, played a show in Olympia at the LeVoyer that we almost didn't make cause the car kept breaking down.

Another old friend Danielle graciously bought me a plane ticket to San Francisco/Oakland. Spent several days hanging out with her and her finance. They live in this dome house that used to be owned by the Children of God in the 60s. While I loved performing and visiting old friends, the highlight was the 2-days I spent returning on Amtrak with spectacular views and strange people.

crammed organisms parade.

2008-12-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

Photos are from a garment parade I instigated/created for Crammed Organims: the world's largest plush show Cranky David curated. The show happened back in May in St Louis. Check out Fiber Arts magazine for an article on David's awesomeness.

apple picking for Jeremy's birthday

2008-12-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

Jeremy is our former closet roommate. Yes, he lived in my closet. Which is now much bigger thanks to Cranky Yellow. He runs an organic farm and soon to be CSA near Columbia Missouri. Went apple picking for his birthday with Kim of Jerusalem and the Starbaskets, Mark of Firedog and Michael Wilson former member of Witch's Hat.

Artica gathering at Hap and Nita's studio

2008-12-12T10:52:00.001-08:00

Anna's noise-making truck at Artica

2008-12-12T10:46:00.000-08:00

Anna made this rad noise-making truck that's now a tree house shack appendage in North City. This was my favorite piece at Artica. Anna drifted in with the Rockaway Armada this past Spring .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52VAW49447Q&feature=related

on the riverfront

2008-12-12T09:06:00.001-08:00

Artica is a strange event that I've attended several times since I moved to St Louis. This past year I was given grant to make a sculpture for the event.

In early Spring Konstantine and I dumpstered a foam divider from Wash U's dorm bail out (see photo). It was laying around my studio for months. I tried painting and covering it with fabric but tape was the only thing that worked at all. I spent a good 30 hours tearing tiny pieces of tape to make the screen. Cranky David and I did a 8 hour powwow one night and I don't think I would have finished without him.

At the event I did a Ghost I Have Been performance under the I-70 bridge with the dulcimer and some kids who showed up with didgery dos . Hugs to Jeremy Ghost Ice for making some rad tapes I played in conjunction and folks who free-formed on electronic toys. The droning of traffic, clanking of trains and rushing water make a breathtaking convergence. I think it was the best performance yet. Layed my tent close to the river that night and woke to a beautiful sunrise. Had groggy morning coffee at Mr McCormick's apron tent and went to breakfast at Eat-Rite with Cindy Tower, her friend and the beagle.

-E

playing with the dead on cherokee

2008-12-11T10:33:00.001-08:00

Day of the Dead on Cherokee

2008-12-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

Rock N Roll Craft Show

2008-12-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

Just got a letter in the mail from Rock N Roll Craft Show. Thanks guys! For those of you who have never been, its a yearly St Louis DIY craft show and music festival in November at the Third Degree Glass Factory. This year I led demos and sold feather earings. I felt all Bob Ross like with my headset and demo screen showing kids how to make polymer clay jewelry. The first demo was a bit intimidating but who doesn't love having their face on an enormous flat screen with a live audience? Thanks to the folks who were as interested in crafts as glass blowing, especially the sock monkey.

Craft Night @
Cranky Yellow/Wounded Bird
2212 Cherokee St
Dec 11th, 7 pm. BYOC

the skinny on Wounded Bird

2008-12-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

Here's a link an article on Wounded Bird for the Student Life paper at Wash U. The only thing I would edit is that our dresses are actually as low as $4 not $38. Oh well. Guess we'll be getting the high rollers.

more Wounded Bird photos

2008-12-10T19:27:00.001-08:00

Wounded Bird photos

2008-12-10T19:17:00.000-08:00

I wish. I wish...

2008-12-10T18:21:00.000-08:00

I wish that making zines was as easy as blogging. Sigh. Today was full of intentions and as we all know, yes, the road to hell is paved in gold. I was a bad girl. I skipped barter yoga and slept until noon. Yoga is usually at C.A.M.P. on Wednesdays at 10am if anyone wants to go.

Rebecca Rivas is writing an article on Wounded Bird/Cranky Yellow for the Vital Voice. So David and I answered a bunch of questions. Later we dressed up and posed for "timed" photos. Then Lyndsey dropped in to change into her Atnes costume for "May These Changes Make Us Light". A collaborative winter performance I'm involved with this upcoming weekend. She and Rebecca were filming a piece for the show.

For David's cameo appearance, he sat in the bathtub in the Cate Anevski Butcher Shop dressing room at Wounded/Cranky while Antes performed a ritual on him, saving his aura with a sage stick and love. Then she asked me a question and took away my sadness of loss. I felt surprisingly peaceful.

Rebecca ended up buying a purse from the shop so I was able to go out to eat with David and Casey Jones. Fish tacos on Cherokee. Yum. I'm one of those 12-year vegetarians who started eating fish because I lost my mind. Humans need Omega 3s. I spent the rest of the day procrastinating on Youtube at Cranky. They made me watch "2 Girls and a Cup". It wasn't that gross and I'm pretty sure they used moose or at the very least had really clean mouths afterwards. We also watched a bunch of tranny music videos you can watch below. Sin and Sebastian, Army of Lovers and Antony and the Johnsons. I also posted a video of Jayne (Wayne) County who paved the way for transsexual/queer musicians back in the late 70s. Glad the world is starting to transform in even the smallest ways. Remembering a time when videos like these weren't accessible and would have been considered obscene.

New Music Circle Presents: May These Changes Make Us Light
New City School Theater (5209 Waterman) St Louis
Sunday December 14th, 7pm
Saturday December 20th, 5pm & 7pm

and so it begins.....

2008-12-09T21:44:00.000-08:00

On December 6th years worth of collecting aimless amounts of old crap paid off. Well, not really but at least the traffic ticket I acquired while rushing wine to our opening can be paid for. David (Cranky Yellow) and I spent an intimate two weeks together tagging, hanging, bitching, promoting and not sleeping. One late night highlight was an excursion to regretfully, yes, Walmart. While I am not a fan of their cooperate practices, shitily made goods, and knack for running small businesses out of business. That night we were thankful we could buy hangers somewhere at 2am. As we were checking out with 100 hangers on each arm we were bombarded with hanger jokes from late night workers. "Have you had a bad day?" asks the counter lady. "Well, not really but it's been a long one." replies David. "Well, HANG in their son." says the counter lady smiling. Then as we walked out the door. "Got any HANGups?" asks the doorman.

By the way if you haven't checked out the "Party" section they have Grillz teeth for kids. Next to the hoosier teeth. I know which I would rather have. Bling baby.

Later in the week David and I ended up hanging out with this fabulous woman Weeb who was moving back to San Fran from St Lou. She gave David all the things she wouldn't be needing, mostly heaps of food and house stuffs. Apparently she also makes amazing holiday gifts including handmade all-natural lube. I heart her. We collaborated on a piece for the Melancholia show purchased by Arcadia's landlady Nina. Well, all I did was come up with an inappropriate title that we didn't use. So technically it was all Weeb. By the way, Nina is an incredible human being who gave me a roll of raffle tickets at this past year's Groove Fest when I working all day at a kid's booth with no visitors. Nina owns this fabulous sweater company called Skif and is a ray of inspiration. One her sweaters is in the Melancholia show or you can visit Skif in the Hill.

Wounded Bird is inside of Cranky Yellow. 2212 Cherokee Street. David is there Tuesday- Saturday 12-6pm. Come and see us.